Economics and Cows...

I just got this from my Mother-In-Law (bizarrely enough), and thought it could inject a little humour into the otherwise dire economic news...

> > SOCIALISM
> > You have 2 cows.
> > You give one to your neighbour.
> > 
> > COMMUNISM
> > You have 2 cows.
> > The State takes both and gives you some milk.
> > 
> > FASCISM
> > You have 2 cows.
> > The State takes both and sells you some milk.
> > 
> > NAZISM
> > You have 2 cows.
> > The State takes both and shoots you.
> > 
> > BUREAUCRATISM
> > You have 2 cows.
> > The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
> > milk away...
> > 
> > TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
> > You have two cows.
> > You sell one and buy a bull.
> > Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> > You sell them and retire on the income.
> > 
> > SURREALISM
> > You have two giraffes.
> > The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
> > 
> > AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
> > Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
> > 
> > ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
> > You have two cows.
> > You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
> > of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
> > debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
> > four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
> > The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
> > a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
> > sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
> > The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
> one more.
> > You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
> > you with nine cows.
> > No balance sheet provided with the release.
> > The public then buys your bull.
> > 
> > A FRENCH CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
> > want three cows.
> > 
> > A JAPANESE CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
> > and produce twenty times the milk.
> > You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
> > market it worldwide.
> > 
> > A GERMAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
> > milk themselves.
> > 
> > AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
> > You decide to have lunch.
> > 
> > A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You count them and learn you have five cows.
> > You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> > You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
> > You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
> > 
> > A SWISS CORPORATION
> > You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
> > You charge the owners for storing them.
> > 
> > A CHINESE CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You have 300 people milking them.
> > You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
> > You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

> > AN INDIAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > You worship them.

> > A BRITISH CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > Both are mad.

> > AN IRAQI CORPORATION
> > Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
> > You tell them that you have none.
> > No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
> country.
> > You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
> Democracy....

> > AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > Business seems pretty good.
> > You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

> > A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> > The one on the left looks very attractive

Don't Panic

Great article from The Motley Fool called The Number 1 Rule.

The long and short of it: the chaos isn't over, and today's upswing is probably just a blip... it will be right back down again before too long.

Having said that, that means lots of opportunity now for people who have some money to invest... provided they formulate a plan and stick to it.

To Your Prosperity!

Massive Phishing Increase

Just a quick article I wanted to pass along to you all that I came across on the BBC website:

Phishing Article

To sum it up, there has been a 180% increase in phishing (people trying to get your personal details for credit card fraud etc) over the last year due to the financial turmoil that is engulfing the world. We went through the identity theft annoyance twice earlier this year (someone was booking Air India flights with one card, and charging a bunch of stuff to a Valencia WalMart with another), but we are still unsure how the people got our information. 

Three thoughts:

1 - Keep good records! Banks are much more likely to believe you about what money was spent where if you can show them accurately your spending patterns etc. It gets much harder to prove if you don't have your account up on Quicken, Money etc.

2 - Never follow a link in an email that asks for your personal information! That includes not signing into facebook, or myspace, because many people use the same password across multiple sites, which leads onto:

3 - Use different passwords depending on the sensitivity of the site! Social networking sites can be short and sweet, but really get creative with online banking and similar things.

That's it. Nothing too much. So, even in these difficult financial times

To Your Prosperity